Ho Cubed

So according to the calendar on the wall, today is Christmas. That’s right, the day when all us good Christians gather for a day filled with prayer and reflection on the year and to celebrate a birthday. For me, that loosely translates to eating and drinking entirely too much over a multi-day period spent with family and friends.

Several years ago my family (read: me) decided that exchanging gifts was more trouble than it’s worth. There are too many people in the family now so the gift exchange portion of the day would just take way too long and trying to coordinate everyone’s schedule is just too daunting. Personally, I prefer it this way because let’s be honest, I have just about everything I need and if I don’t I’ll most likely buy it for myself when I realize that I might actually need it.

As I wait for the rest of the family to arrive at my parents’ house I’ll soak in the remaining bits of quiet while I can. Soon a whirlwind of chaos and mayhem will ensue and the children will turn the living room into a snowstorm of wrapping paper with little effort. It will be good to see everyone and catch up on the past year and who knows, maybe this time when a jolly man dressed as Santa appears at the door unexpectedly, someone in the house will actually know who it is.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Fair Weather Fun

As many of you know from reading this little distraction, I like to ride bikes. This started during an extended stint in Georgia when there really wasn’t anything else to do. Also, people already looked at me funny since I was from the north so I figured wearing spandex several days a week while hauling down back roads with several other like minded people would really blow their minds. We pretty much only did road rides; flat road rides. The temperatures were never much below fifty and that was in the middle of our winter. We could ride all year long without much to worry about.

After I moved to the SC I continued to ride my road bike but got back into mountain biking. Even though I continued to ride for as much of the year as I could, the riding season was always much shorter for me because the temperatures got much colder and I had no interest in freezing my bits off just to turn over the pedals. Sure, plenty of other people I knew were riding in temperatures that seemed crazy but that’s what they did. I don’t want to say I was soft, but I definitely grew accustomed to the warmer climes.

Over the years, however, I’ve continued to ride later and later into the season. I typically prefer to stay off the road (except the DD) because it’s usually too frigid and wind-blown for my tastes. Instead I choose to get out in the woods, on a bit of single track, where you tend to stay a lot warmer because you’re working more and moving around on the bike a lot more. It gets to the point where you are almost overdressed in little more than a jersey and wind jacket.

What’s the point of telling you all this, you might ask? Well, this weekend I was out riding my mountain bike on both Saturday and Sunday. Jeremy wanted to get the Seb-dog out for some exercise and I decided to tag along. Saturday we rode some of the new trails on the south end of Raystown which were super fun and flowy. Then Sunday we rode some of the Cooper’s Gap stuff in Rothrock. Both days I wore the same thing (literally) and was plenty warm. I’m not sure if this means I’m getting acclimatized to the cold weather or just getting bored with staying inside on the weekends. Either way, I’m feeling less like a fair weather rider.

Tourist Season

I, like everyone else I know, have the unfortunate need to provide nourishment for myself. It doesn’t really matter what form it takes, in order to survive I have to eat. This leads to one of the activities I don’t really enjoy. I find that every five to eight days I need to go to the grocery store and stock up on the items that my taste buds enjoy.

Before I get too far down the road I should mention that I have a relatively simple diet. I think I get this from my father who ate the same thing for lunch everyday for as long as I can remember. He would head to work in the morning with a turkey and cheese sandwich, corn chips, maybe a piece of fruit, and a pack of Tastykake brand coffee cakes in a brown lunch bag. The point being, I am also predictable (read: boring) and buy the same stuff every time I go to the store (mostly). At this point you may be asking yourself why I deplore this activity when I know exactly what I’m going to get and where it is located. Well, my issue comes more from the fact that I usually feel like the only person in the store who has this figured out.

You see, I get very frustrated by what I like to call the grocery tourists. You know the type, but if you don’t then you might actually be the tourist (possibly you, mom). These are the people who have a list in one hand and are slowly walking around with no care in the world. They leave their cart in the middle of the isle or, if they are with someone else, walk side-by-side so no one can pass. They like to linger in the high traffic areas with no shopping agenda contemplating who knows what. It’s as if they have never seen food products arranged in isles and on shelves. Or maybe they just happened into a grocery store for the first time in their life. Unlike the grocery tourists, I like to get in and get out as quick as I can. While I’m not the busiest person on the planet, I know that I don’t want to spend my free time looking around the grocery store.

Now I may be a little sensitive to this topic because I happened to be at the store this weekend and was surrounded by way too many grocery tourists that seemed to have no business being in a food store. Sure I could go to multiple specialty stores and possibly avoid some of this hassle but unfortunately I live in an area that doesn’t have a lot of those particular establishments and I’m not that snooty. Either way, I just ask that when you arrive at the grocery store please don’t act like you’re in a library because you’re not there to browse. Keep things moving and have an agenda or please move out of my way.

Wasting Time

As seems to be the case, this weekend brought about more unseasonably warm weather. I figured I could use some time off and I did very little. The biggest accomplishment for me was firing up my smoker.

I spent all day making this:

Look like this.

It’s salt. Yeah, I know; a great way to spend ten hours on a Sunday.

DD Part Two

So as many of you know this past Thursday was Thanksgiving for we folks in the U.S. and, like any good person, I decided to travel. For the second year in a row I headed to Pittsburgh to spend the big day and subsequent weekend with the freshly minted Mr. and Mrs. Babik. The highlight of the trip, however, was going to be my second dance with the Dirty Dozen; riding bikes up thirteen of the steepest hills in the city. I wasn’t sure how the ride would go since I haven’t been training but the weather was going to be ideal and I figured I could struggle through it. After all, I would be starting with a belly full of Turkey.

A lot happened over the weekend so instead of going into specific detail I figure it will be easier to just make a list so here goes:

• Jared and Caroline host an amazing Thanksgiving feast
• Jared has more beer left over from his wedding than any one person should
• Pittsburgh has some fun mountain bike trails right in the city
• Steve K. is awful at NHL 95 but for some reason is really good at the Sweet Valley High board game
• There's free parking closer to the Pen’s games than most people realize, but watch out for the nacho cheese
• Caroline makes an amazing breakfast and is great at motivating cyclists so they don’t quit
• Steevo can ride the wheels off a bike; any bike
• Jared can get true hill points when he tries
• Riding roads and trails for four days straight takes a lot out of you
• Driving the turnpike the Sunday after Thanksgiving is a bad idea

As you can see it was a full couple of days and that is just a partial list. I survived another Dirty Dozen and completed all the hills. I felt better than I thought and rode stronger than I expected. Steevo won his 8th straight DD and a record crowd of over 300 cyclists showed up to start the 29th installment of this little tour of Pittsburgh (but the amount of finishers is unknown). Of course the show on WQED and the 60 degree weather probably helped but who’s counting? I’ve already decided that I’ll be back to do it again next year because the whole trip was a lot more fun than I expected but more importantly, I’ll get a dot next to my name for (hopefully) finishing my third DD.

Mirror Mirror

Earlier this week I was out with Nikki and Cathy to celebrate Nikki’s birthday. We decided to go to one of Nikki’s favorite restaurants so she could indulge in all the gluten-free offerings available. It was the least we could do and there were plenty of gluten-heavy food on the menu so I was okay. We ordered some food and drinks and went about some casual conversation.

A short time later, the waitress returned to our table with our drinks. As she was preparing to head off and make sure the needs of other patrons were being met, she asked if I had ever seen the television show, “Bones” because I had a striking resemblance to one of the main characters. I thanked her for the compliment and asked if she wanted an autograph because, while I’m not the actor she was thinking of, I do get plenty of airtime on the local public access channel. Not surprisingly, she declined.

What made this observation more interesting was that Nikki has informed me of this resemblance several times before. She even had a rousing back-and-forth with the waitress regarding this fact. I wasn’t entirely sure I knew who they were talking about but this piqued my interest enough to explore said actor.

Below are two photos. The first one is me and the second one is T.J. Thyne, the actor that apparently looks like me (thanks interweb for making photos of this guy available). Personally I don’t really see a resemblance but, since he doesn’t look like a troll (no offense to the trolls that read this blog), I’m okay with the notion that we share a similar appearance. Maybe someday, I’ll meet him in person, but then we’ll have to fight to the death. After all, that’s the doppelganger code.

Big News

So unless you’ve been living under a rock or were just born, you’ve inevitably heard the news coming out of the SC. Each day last week brought about new information and new developments on the severity of the issue. Quite frankly I think it’s going to get worse before it gets better and it’s just horrible to say the least.

Instead of talking about that (and I have some significant opinions on the situation) I personally had some news of my own from this weekend. It’s not as ground breaking and not nearly as controversial, but for me I thought it was a big deal and therefore I’m going to share. After all, that’s the beauty of having this blog.

So Friday was a day off for me and, after some coffee and house cleaning I decided to throw a leg over my bike and hit the road to log some miles in anticipation of the upcoming Dirty Dozen. Friday was cold and hella windy with intermittent snow flurries but that didn’t deter me from getting out. I struggled mightily but managed to spend about two hours on the bike and got in a few hills to boot.

Saturday I was planning to ride because the weather was amazing, but instead I got caught up doing yard work. It wasn’t my favorite way to spend a Saturday but it was necessary as the leaves were piling up. I also got in one last mowing (I hope) so the yard is in good shape for the winter. Needless to say, I was worthless for the rest of the day so I lazed around the rest of the day.

Sunday involved running some errands in the morning that I hoped would lead to the completion of a few last outdoor projects, but only lead to multiple trips to the home store. As the day was getting away I decided to head for the woods and do one of my all-time favorite activities; fall mountain biking. Brian and I set out for a little spin and I felt surprising good. Sure I was a little slow but my legs were okay and the trails were in great shape so I enjoyed every bit of it.

This was the first weekend in a long time that I was able to get out for multiple rides. I missed most of those occasions this summer as I worked on my house so it felt good to work on turning over my pedals rather than bettering my quarter acre. Unfortunately I have to go back to work tomorrow and I’m sure there will be additional developments on the other thing I mentioned at the beginning. I have a feeling there is going to be a lot more sad than happy here in the valley but for this weekend, I’m smiling.

Together

This past weekend was one that I have been looking forward to for quite a while. I was traveling to Pittsburgh to witness the union of Jared and Caroline. I met Jared about five years ago through some mutual friends and I’ve known Caroline for about three years when she and Jared made one of his annual trips to the SC. Over the years I’ve become good friends with both of them and early on it was clear that they would wind up getting married.

Saturday morning Spring, Brian, and I headed out on our way to the big city. Jared and Caroline had an evening ceremony scheduled so we had time to get into town, have some lunch, get all gussied up, and head to the big event. Following the nuptials was a great celebration that included lots of dancing, lots of cookies, and French fries; lots of delicious French fries with assorted toppings. Nothing rounds out a long night of merriment than deep fried potato sticks smothered in cheese and bacon bits. Well, nothing except maybe watching the bride run barefoot down the streets of Pittsburgh while the groom carried her shoes.

Doors Galore

Now that the weather is getting colder and the days are getting shorter, I figured I was done working on outdoor projects with my house. I had a few small projects left on the list that I was going to do like cleaning my chimney so I can get the wood stove stoked up, but nothing too terribly involved. I did, however, decide that I wanted to put in a storm door on the house to help cut back the draft around the font door.

As I’m finding with most projects related to my house, the storm door install turned into more than I bargained for. I purchased the door on Saturday but decided that since it was snowing I’d wait until Sunday to get the door in place. After I realized that I would need to remove some flashing and spacer strips to get at the actual jambs I knew it was going to be a long day. Then, after two trips to the home store and two hours spent trying to remove said flashing and spacer strips, I decided it was time to get out the headlamp because I wasn’t going to have enough daylight to finish this project.

After an additional trip to the home store and countless expletives spoken aloud and to myself, I finally managed to get the door hung and the handle installed. I didn’t actually finish the install nor did I get anything else accomplished. My living room ended up looking like a tool-bomb went off and my garage is just as bad. Hopefully I’ll find some time this week to get everything finished so I can enjoy the piles of candy I plan to get from trick-or-treating. Happy Halloween!

Seb-Dog

Sometimes it's fun to take pictures of dogs.  Sometimes it's fun to take silly pictures.  Other times, though, it's fun to take silly pictures that include dogs.  Especially when it's not your dog and when the dog is laying on the floor because he's exhausted from a full day of chasing mountain bikes on the trails. 

The Numbers Game

About five years ago, I parted ways with the land-line phone company and went to a completely cellular communication network. One of the advantages to having the cell phone is that it comes with caller ID, assuming I have the person’s number in my phone. What that also means is that I don’t need people to call me and leave a message on my voicemail saying, “Hi. It’s mom. Call me back.” I clearly saw that there was a call from my mother and would call back without the need for the message. Most of my friends know not to leave a message since, as in the aforementioned example, I would inevitably call the person back.

So this past weekend, after a few hours of splitting firewood to get ready for the impending winter, I noticed a message on my phone from a number I did not recognize. There was also a voicemail so I decided to take a listen. It was a prerecorded message that I considered deleting right away but when they said it was my bank, I thought I better continue to listen. The mechanical voice said that there were some odd charges on my credit card and they wanted to verify if they were mine. Since I was just traveling last weekend I assumed it was no big deal and would clear everything up with a simple phone call to an actual person.

I called the number that was identified in the voicemail and, after a few automated menus, began to talk with a Kris. Kris wanted to check on a few “suspicious” charges that appeared on my card. I didn’t think anything of it but when she told me that there were two charges totaling approximately $600 dollars at a store in Maine earlier that day, I realized that someone stole my credit card number.

I’m not sure how or when it happened but after a few more minutes and providing some additional information, Kris said my account would be shut down and a new card would be sent to me right away. Fortunately for me, no more charges have appeared and all the other account activity seemed to be in order. This was one time I didn’t mind having a message on my voicemail.

Bike-ation

As I mentioned in my last post, this weekend was spent road tripping and riding bikes. Wormy Worm, J-WAG, my self, and the Seb Rocket caravanned down to the Shenandoah Valley Bike Coalition’s annual mountain bike festival. I’ve been down to the area to help out with bike races but had never ridden there. This was going to be a much deserved and full-scale suffer-fest of epic proportions. I just wasn’t aware of how much suffering would occur.

We all took off work on Friday for the trip and, after a brief stop in Harrisonburg for some supplies and to visit some bike shops; we rolled into the Stokesville campground at about three o’clock in the afternoon. This left just enough time to get geared up and head off to the downhill race. It was a short bike ride and a mild (by Shenandoah standards) singletrack climb to the start of the race and then about five minutes to bomb down some fast and swoopy singletrack. I wasn’t trying to compete in this race but I did want to recon the trails. This would be my first taste of what to expect. It was challenging, but I attributed my lack of skills to the fact that I’ve been off the bike for a while and needed to get my bearings back.

Saturday started early as we had a big day planned. Since Dr. Worm lived in the area for a while he knew the trails and would act as our guide. The three of us started out with a larger group and I quickly realized how my day was going to end up. My account of the ride goes something like this:

Step One - ride (or attempt to ride) straight up a mountain for about two and a half hours while getting punched in the face by steep section after steep section.

Step Two - spend about ten minutes riding an amazingly flowy and smooth ribbon of singletrack down the backside of the mountain you just rode up.

Step Three – slum back to the campground and cool off in the river before relaxing and enjoying the sunshine and amazing fall weather.

Sunday began with some sore legs and slow movements but we broke camp early and began heading back north. We stopped off to ride some trails near the local ski resort that Jerome had worked on. This ride was similar to the previous day except it wasn’t as big and I was almost completely crushed by the time it ended. Fortunately this was only about two hours which was about all I could handle.

All in all, it was a great weekend with great people and amazing trails that humbled me as a mountain bike rider. It will definitely be something I put on my calendar for future years as it’s a really chill event. The only downside was taking a digger in the mud to end my Sunday ride and provide a little extra clean-up of myself, my gear, and my bike.

Memories

Once upon a time, I had a life that involved hanging out with friends, going on bike rides, road-tripping, and other pursuits that kept me feeling young and made for great stories. I would fill my weekends with activities that would test my physical and mental limits. I would secretly look forward to Monday and going to the office so I could rest up and begin anticipating the next weekend’s events.

Now, my time is still filled with activity but it seems to only focus on my house. I’ve taken on an ambitious schedule of tasks this summer that kept me from enjoying the bike rides and road-trips and other radical endeavors. I work on most of these projects solo and exhaust myself in other ways; and not necessarily the good kind.

When I first started this blog it was intended to be all about the amazing adventures I went on and the activities that tested my skills. Lately though, it seems to be about home improvements (or at least my escapades into home improvements). I think it’s time to get back to my roots and start being adventurous again.

Fortunately, I’ll get my first chance this coming weekend as I venture south to Stokesville and partake in a mountain bike festival. Even though the festival only lasts the weekend, it will be a much needed trip to relax and ride bikes. Hopefully this weekend will get me back on track to escapades that don’t involve going to the home stores.

Making a Point

So in my last post I mentioned that I was taking on the task of repointing my house. While I’ve done limited masonry projects in my day, I assumed this would be an easy enough task to do myself, just a bit time consuming. While I was correct on both of those issues, the degree to which I underestimated how difficult this would be is kind of ridiculous.

The process to clear the old mortar was easy enough. Take a hammer and chisel, then smack old mortar until you think you’ve gotten enough of the loose stuff out of the way. It takes a little while but it’s a fairly simple task. What I found to be the hard part was getting the new mortar back in.

What I realized very quickly was that trowels, mortar bags, or any other tool that might be used for this job were quickly proven to be useless. In order to get the mortar to stand up properly the mix had to be relatively dry. This meant that the only tools I could use to apply the new stuff were my hands. While this wouldn’t normally be a problem, the fact that it was mortar made it painful. Of course I didn’t realize this until late in the game.

Basically, I was running my hands through wet sandpaper for the entire day. When I noticed the pain setting in I, decided to apply tape to the trouble spots and keep going (because putting on gloves would make too much sense). By the end of the day my fingertips were worn raw, my hands were incredibly dry, and my hands were covered in tape. I guess there is a reason the people that do this for a living charge so much money. Their glove budget alone must be astronomical.

Skillz

As the fall starts to slowly settle into the valley, I’m slowly wrapping up the remaining outdoor projects at my house for this year. It’s been a long summer that was spent doing a tremendous amount of outdoor work and teaching myself a few things about home improvements. While I don’t know if I’ll ever use these new found talents, at least I can say that I have them in my quiver should the need arise in the future.

The latest skill I’m “teaching” myself is how to re-point masonry (yes mom, that does say re-point – it’s not a typo). See, the exterior of my house is stone and, due to a particular problem I encountered this summer with bees, I decided to move the re-pointing up on the list of projects. I have limited knowledge of masonry but I figure at five to seven dollars a square foot for someone else to do it, I decided that learning a method (not necessarily the preferred method) could save me a few clams to use on other projects.

I started to remove the old masonry yesterday and, after about an hour of sucking in fifty-year-old dust, I realized I don’t like this project. There is a reason I don’t do this kind of work for a living (other than not wanting to rough up my dainty hands) and it is emphasized with each stroke of the chisel. I’ve already reduced my expectations for how much of this project I intend to complete this year. Luckily I don’t need to re-point the entire house right away because the chances of that happening are similar to those of me becoming a professional mason.

Training

As the summer starts to wind down much sooner than I would like, the seasonal change has me thinking about one of my favorite activities – fall mountain biking. I’ve been spending so much time working on my house and yard this summer that I’ve barely had time to ride. More specifically, it hasn’t been a priority and, as I look back, seems like a bit of a mistake.

Since I didn’t ride very much over the summer, I’m dreadfully behind on my training for one of the biggest events on my ride calendar; the world famous Dirty Dozen. The Dirty Dozen is just a few short months away and I’m feeling woefully unprepared to tackle the insanely steep pitches that pass for streets in and around Pittsburgh. Last year was my first experience with the DD and I’m cautiously looking forward to this year’s installment. Of course that means I’ll be spending Thanksgiving in the ‘burgh again and riding a lot throughout that weekend.

Right now however, I’m hoping for a break in the rain so I can actually get on a bike and start riding up hills, along trails, and doing all that I can to hopefully ensure I survive. I guess I should also start preparing myself for the late nights (that often turn into early mornings) trying to keep up with Jerry. He’s already started his training too by going to Las Vegas to see how many hours in a row he can stay awake. I think the DD will be the least painful part of this year’s trip.

Snacks

As I’ve mentioned numerous times in this little blog of mine, I’ve been spending a lot of time working on my house. Also, as I may have mentioned in this same blog I’ve been working a lot lately too. While these two facts might not be very significant, they have a notable connection that leads into the title of this post.

One other subject I’ve noted in this here internet rag is the fact that I’m a super awesome single dude living in a swinging town. To the casual observer that might seem like a good thing, however I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not as amazing as it might sound. What I’m finding out (the hard way) is that when you are single and own a home you get to do everything by yourself. When I say everything I mean exactly that; paying the bills, cleaning the house, maintaining the yard, doing improvements, and making dinner.

While I’d like to think I’m significantly competent in all of the above noted areas, lately I find that the making dinner part has been the one area of my single lifestyle that seems to be suffering. I really enjoy cooking but lately it seems as though I neglect that aspect until the end of the day and, instead of making some delicious meal, I tend to rely on snacks to get my sustenance. It’s not uncommon for me to get home from work, mow the yard, tend to some landscaping, and have a roundly nutritious meal of chips and salsa for dinner. Similarly, if I get home from work late after a night meeting I might grab a handful of almonds and a few pieces of cheese and call that my evening’s feast.

I’ve recently started to realize that without snacks I might not ever eat. While I fully admit that snacking isn’t the most healthy choice for my (lately un) active lifestyle, it gets me by. I have a handful of this, and a bowl full of that and by the end of the night I’m properly supplied by premade or otherwise concocted foods. Of course, there is the occasional peanut butter and jelly in the mix so I guess it isn’t all bad.

Bikes Anyone?

This Saturday, in advance of the torrential rains from hurricane Irene, I decided to take a brief respite from working on my house to go and ride a bike. That’s right; I loaded up my gear, headed to the forest, and rode some trails. It was Jess’ birthday so there was a small group of people going out and I figured it would be mellow enough for me since I’ve been off the bike for about a month.

From the start I was feeling fairly terrible but I was okay with it. I slummed around at the back and let the rest of the group tear on ahead. Actually, Jess was feeling a little rough too so we rode together and chatted while we picked our way through the sweet singletrack. It was kind of nice to take it easy (not like I had a choice) and not try to crush the trail as fast as I could.

We decided to cut the ride short after just a little while. I didn’t mind because I wasn’t sure I had the legs to go much longer. I was getting close to running out of water as well so I took that as another reason to pack it in. Regardless, it was still a super fun day on the trials. I guess this just means that I need to take more time away from doing house work to have fun.

Reality Shmeality

It should come as no surprise that I like to think I’m a busy guy or at least I talk like I’m a busy guy. When I get home from a long day at the office or finish working around the house I like to settle in and watch one of the seven channels that I have with my cable-less television. I’m a big fan of turning on some mindless sitcom that I can fall into and laugh or just zone out. The problem I have is that anymore these shows are few and far between. In particular, it seems like the majority of the programming is some form of reality based television and this kind of sucks.

I don’t really care what has-been celebrity can dance a tango. I’m not interested in knowing which member of the U.S. populations thinks their dog juggling/ventriloquist/uni-cycle riding qualifies as a talent. There isn’t a single person on TV that I would ever consider idolizing; especially someone I’ve never heard of that sings songs. If you think you can find true love among a group of men or women just by handing them a rose, chances are you’re in for a major disappointment.

I want udder, mindless, nonsensical blather that is spewed forth from characters with names like George, Jerry, Elaine, or Cramer. It’s okay if I miss an episode because it’s not a running story. Give me something to laugh at; something that whisks me away from the reality I deal with all day and transports me into some kind of fantasy land where I can laugh at bawdy jokes or simple one-liners. Television use to be an escape. Now it’s just a bunch of people trying to win something, and nothing about that is funny or enjoyable.

Killing Time

After a long dry spell, the rains have been peppering the SC repeatedly and I couldn’t be happier. Not only was my yard looking a little rough, the landscaping was starting to take a beating too. While I realize we need the rain, it put a bit of a wrinkle in my weekend plans that were probably too ambitious for my own good.

Instead, I spent Sunday morning enjoying my coffee and watching some television. Usually on the weekends I’ll listen to some NPR while waking up but I can only take so much Thistle & Shamrock. Since I don’t have cable, my options for programming on the TV is limited. This Sunday I found myself watching a local “outdoors” show that was all about a guy trapping animals.

I have no personal or moral issues with this kind of show but I often have to laugh while watching. In essence, the show consists of a guy wading around in roadside ditches setting traps to catch muskrats or minks or whatever else might wander into the unsuspecting jaws of death. I don’t want to sound too uppity, but this was probably one of the most redneck things I’ve seen in a while. I have to give the guy credit for being so enthusiastic about outsmarting varmit but I’m not sure it qualifies as quality programming. Of course, I did watch the entire show so it had me hooked.

The Double R

While shameless plugs are not usually my thing, I figure throwing one out every once in a while can hurt. With that in mind, I offer the following.

For those of you that will be in the SC towards the end of September I would recommend you check out the 2011 Banff Radical Reels Tour that will be playing at the State Theatre. It should provide an evening of high adrenaline excitement for all those in attendance. What is this tour and why am I promoting it? Well, I would describe the tour as the regular Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour without all the lame stuff. I'm throwing out my support because the proceeds will help benefit the Climbing Conservancy of Central Pennsylvania which is a local not-for-profit climbing organization. Oh yeah, and I'm also on the board of directors, so there's that.

While you've got a few minutes, check out this cool website that Scott and Ieva put together and buy some tickets so you can be one of the lucky few that gets to have your mind blown on September 27th.

Free-Dumb

I'm not entirely sure why, but lately I've been seeing a lot of houses with miscellaneous stuff piled in the yard and a sign next to it with some iteration of, "Free For The Taking." While this isn't entirely unusual, I am always surprised at the number of people that are sifting through the mounds of unwanted items looking for who knows what. I appreciate the fact that before a potential treasure is carted off the the landfill it gets a second lease on life, but let's be honest, what's really going to be in this heap of trinkets that's worth value.

The way I figure, if someone is willing to just give away a treasured piece of bric-a-brac then it probably doesn't have much value. Sure, I personally have given away a stove that I could have actually sold, but it was an old and unsafe fire hazard that I didn't want to hassle with. That's kind of how I feel about these heaps of "Free Stuff."

The most intriguing part to me, however, is the people that stop and wade through the freebies. It doesn't seem to matter what the situation, as soon as someone sees a sign advertising something free, a Pavlovian response is triggered and the person stops. Going to a wedding? Don't forget to check out the give-a-ways of the college kids moving out of their rental. Big job interview? Maybe you can forget about working when you find that priceless artifact in the mountain of free rubbish on the way. Hot date tonight? Your sweetie will be overly impressed by the secondhand crap you found on the way to the fancy dinner.

In the end however, I guess it doesn't mater what the particulars are of the trash. It really does seem that one person's junk might be another person's treasure. And the fact that it's free apparently makes it just too good to pass up.

Welcome to Hades

It will come as no surprise to anyone that it’s been a shade hotter than normal here in the SC. Now when I say a shade, I really mean exponentially. It’s been so hot that I actually wanted to go to work just to be in the air conditioning. I’m not saying it’s the hottest place on earth, but sometimes I feel like the inside of my house is, in fact, the fiery molten center of the earth. I may be wrong, but I think it reached one million degrees here.

When it gets hot like this I’m reminded of a saying that goes something like, “cool as the underside of the pillow.” Well, just for fun I took a thermometer to see just how cool the underside of my pillow was. I was hoping it would be icy cold and could somehow devise a contraption that could use this chilled pillow technology to make the rest of my house bearable. To my surprise it wasn’t cool at all. In fact, it was almost 90 degrees. That’s right, 90. Keep in mind; it was just past seven o’clock in the evening when I took this reading. It was at that very moment I realized I was going to sleep at someone else’s house and leave my pillow at home.

I’m fairly confident the heat will let up and, before long, it will start getting cold. Then, I’ll have a whole new list of things to complain about. It’s really just one big cycle of being too hot and too cold with a few days of just right thrown in for fun.

All By Myself

Over the past few years I’ve noticed a trend in my bicycle riding. No, it’s not the fact that I’m getting weaker and slower (although I’ve clearly realized that). Lately, I find myself riding alone. More specifically, I find that most of the time I prefer to ride alone.

I first started seriously riding when I lived in South Georgia. I was riding road bikes exclusively because it was flat and there were no mountains to be found. Since it was the south, being a cyclist made you different; therefore we had a serious club that rode regularly. Consequently, my first few years of riding were always with at least a half dozen people.

After moving back to Pennsylvania I was able to ride both road and mountain bikes. While there are a greater number of people that ride I the SC, the organization pretty well sucks and people are very specific about whom they ride (or train) with. Fortunately I had a few people that I could count on to ride with me on a regular basis. It was nice because I didn’t really know my way around the roads or the trails so having local guides was very beneficial to my overall survival on the bike.

As the years past I became more comfortable in the woods and on the country roads. Also, I found myself working more and having less time to participate in any semblance of an organized ride. When the opportunity arose, I would head off by myself to get in any miles I could. More and more, this became comfortable and easy. I would go at my own pace, when I had time, and on whatever route I wanted. I would throw in my iPod to keep me distracted which helped immensely.

Riding solo seems to be the norm for me now. Sure I still like to ride with people when I can but that’s not always easy with an irregular schedule. Often when I set out sans people I feel like I’m channeling my inner Jimbo. For those of you who know Jimbo, you might agree that he would probably be appalled by this notion since he doesn’t tend to like people or aspire to be anyone’s role model but is awesome at riding alone.

Uninvited Guests

For the regular readers of this little blog of mine, you may have noticed that the last several posts have been a departure from my usual banter of rides and other awesome outdoor activities. Instead, I have been talking about boring domestic type stuff. I changed all of that this past weekend with many hours of mountain bike riding. It was nice to be back in the woods on the trails enjoying some ride-time with friends.

On Sunday, Jeremy, Nikki, Josh (Jeremy’s brother), and I made the ridiculously long drive to ride the Allegrippis Trails at Raystown Lake. I didn’t realize however, that Nikki was going to sit out our ride and hand her bike over to someone else. That person was none other than our new friend Nixtreeme.

In a dizzying display of awesomeness, Nixtreeme raged onto the scene and put on a clinic of trail-crushing abilities. It was all we could do to keep up as she doubled the whoops and carved out the singletrack like a Thanksgiving turkey. In fact, Nixtreeme’s abilities were so mind-blowing we had to let extra air out of her front shock to make sure she got maximum travel in order to limit the impact on the trails.

While it might seem like I’m making this up, you’d be wrong. The only reprieve we got from this expo of trail slaying and chest bumps was to pick some fresh raspberries along the way. I just hope for Jeremy’s sake that Nixtreeme limits her new found coolness to the forest.

Welcome

After much internal debate and deliberation, I finally decided it was time for me to become an adult and join the rest of the world. This was no small decision mind you and it was a long time in the making. Last week I went out and got me an iPhone.

There was no philosophical reasoning for me waiting so long to get a pocket computer that makes phone calls. It was more that my life isn’t complex enough to require such a powerful device. Of course, my previous phone was getting old and it was time to upgrade so I decided to go big.

I haven’t had the phone long enough to really know what it does or can do. I’ve made a few phone calls with it so I know it still does that much. People have told me that in a few months I’ll be using the phone for everything. I’m not entirely sure that will be the case but you never know, this miniature black rectangle may just change my life.

Fin

After several long weekends, I can now officially say my deck is finished. Sure there are still a few things left to do like adding in some steps and other small items but for the most part I’m calling it a day. I have furniture on the deck and spent some time relaxing upon its freshly decked surface. Of course, I’m exhausted from all the work but I guess that’s the beauty of spending the time designing and building it but let’s be honest, I really don’t plan to do it again anytime soon.

Almost Done

As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill you might sometimes make you wish you were actually dead.” Okay, so maybe that’s not exactly how it goes but that’s how I feel. As I mentioned previously I have a new door which I think is quite amazing. In order to use the door, I need something to occupy the space that would otherwise provide for a rather sizable first step. Since I was helping Jeremy and Nikki build a deck at their house, I wanted to keep up with the Jones’ and build a deck at my house.

So I started this deck last weekend and now, a mere eight days later, I’m almost finished. In fact, I’m far enough along that I was able to sit on my new deck and drink a beer after two long days this weekend spent trying to finish said outdoor living area. I’d be willing to bet that one more solid day of work will complete this horrendously ridiculous undertaking.

Like most home projects that take longer than they should, I’m getting to the point where I want it to be done and I’m getting less and less concerned about the little things. For people that know me I can kind of be a little over-the-top about the smallest details but right now I don’t care if a board is spaced a little further away than I’d like. I don’t care if there is seam that isn’t exactly perfect. I don’t care if a screw is sunk in a little too far. What I do care about is getting this project finished. On the upside, I’ve decided that once this project is done I’m taking the rest of the summer off from home improvements. Of course it will probably take me until October to finish everything and get my house back to normal but that’s just a minor detail.

Decks, Part II

So last weekend I mentioned that I was helping my friend Jeremy build a deck at his house. Well, this weekend, I decided to help him (and now that Nikki is back, her as well) finish the deck, but at the same time start mine. See, in our ‘hood we have a strict rule that only one deck is allowed to be worked on at a time.

On Saturday I decided to start my deck which basically meant I was destroying my arms by digging holes for the posts. I spent a goodly part of the day getting the actual size and shape of the deck figured out and I think it goes without saying that it’s going to be much bigger and complicated than I originally anticipated, but still relatively simple. Let’s be honest though, who doesn’t like a big deck (and get your mind out of the gutter Ms. Y)?

So you may be asking, why the rush to build a deck at my house? Well, when I bought my house two years ago I decided the miniature window in my dining room would look a hell of a lot better as a set of French doors. This week, that finally became a reality. Of course, I can’t have a brand new door without a massive deck to go with it, right (again, Spring, this is not the time)? Anyway, I’m going to take some time and build the aforementioned deck throughout the coming week so I don’t get totally destroyed by the process.

Crushed...

So this weekend (starting Friday after work) I thought it would be a good idea to help my friend and neighbor Jeremy build a deck. Of course, when I say build a deck, I really mean doubling the usable footprint of their home. This was a colossal undertaking and I’m not entirely sure why I decided to spend an entire weekend digging holes, plumbing posts, leveling beams, and setting deck boards.

I guess it was a neighborly thing to do and the free food and beer was a nice perk but suffice it to say, I’m more exhausted now than I ever thought I would be and the deck isn’t even completely done. Of course, it is usable and that’s what counts. I’m just glad I wasn’t around for the jack hammering. Oh yeah, and a hearty congratulations goes out to Spring and Brian for getting all married this weekend so now they can officially stop living in sin. Congratulations you guys…

Take This Job…

Recently, while at my nine to fiver, I was talking with a friend who I happen to be doing some business with. While on the phone, we engaged in some general small-talk before getting to the actual work matter at hand. At one point, Roman (not his real name) asked me how things were going at work. I replied that it was work and I didn’t like doing it. This response led us down a road of comical and profound discussion.

See, the way I figure it, nobody, and I mean nobody, likes their job. They don’t like to work, and they don’t want to go to work. I’d be willing to bet that, if given the choice, no one would actually say that they were completely satisfied going to the office whether it be in the home or at a remote location. I will concede that some people tolerate their specific vocation enough to not want to jump off a bridge, but there isn’t a single person that dreads five o’clock and the close of business (personal home life is not considered in this equation).

To prove my point, I ask you this; when was the last time you woke up and said to yourself, “YES!” “I’m awake and get to spend another day doing (insert lame job here)!” Or, when was the last time a Friday rolled around and you were sad to have several days away from work? For that matter, when was the last time you weren’t thinking about the weekend on a Thursday afternoon?

Now, you may be saying there are plenty of people (maybe you’re one of them) that LOVE their jobs. I would say you’re a liar and that you don’t actually have a job. You instead have a hobby. People that have jobs need them to pay the bills and to maintain a certain lifestyle. People who say they love their “jobs” have the means to quit them at any point, thus making it a hobby.

While I don’t necessarily like my job, I’m happy to have one. I don’t completely hate it but there are definitely days that I would prefer doing something else. If I had the means to maintain my current gear habit I would quit my job in a heartbeat and pick up a hobby. Of course I don’t see that happening anytime soon so I guess I’ll be back flying my desk on Monday morning and counting the hours until Friday afternoon.

Wedding Bells

While it should come as no surprise, I’m highly exhausted. This weekend was more intense and action packed then most. It involved yard work, bike rides, entertaining, and, most importantly, a wedding. Apparently this time of year seems to be good for weddings since I know three couples that are getting hitched in the next few weeks, but this past Saturday was all about Herm and Justine.

As luck would have it, the weather cooperated and the rain that has been pummeling us took a break. This allowed the outdoor ceremony to go off without issue. It was a grand affair that went well into the night with bonfires and camping and fireworks. Personally, I had a great time so I’ll just assume everyone else did too. Congratulations Mike and Justine and thanks for throwing such a wonderful party.

Behind Bars for Life

This Sunday was the annual Nittany Mountain Bike Association’s “picnic/bike ride/membership drive/wash-your-bike-in-the-creek/here’s mud in your eye” event. While it wasn’t officially billed that way (the printing costs were prohibitive), it kind of turned out that way. You see, for the past several years the NMBA has gotten together in the spring for a group ride followed by a picnic with time to relax and enjoy the company of like minded people.

Typically the ride goes off from Greenwood Furnace State Park. It’s a bit of a drive at a whopping 40 minutes but when single-track is in your back yard, that’s an awfully long way to go. Not to mention, the ride started at ten in the morning which added to the early start. This year, the weather was less than ideal. The temperatures were spot on, but the forecast was for rain, and lots of it.

About fifteen people showed for the ride and we set out as a group. After a short but spry warm up, I decided to jump on some single-track and deviate slightly from the rest of the group. Fortunately, the rain had started about the same time we rolled out therefore the roots and rocks were extra slimy.

After about three minutes on the trial, I decided it would be a good idea to catch a flat and spend some time getting rained on while I fixed it. It wasn’t a major setback, but enough to harsh my mellow. By the time I got rolling again, I was far enough off the back that I wasn’t going to catch the group. This was okay because I had a slightly different ride plan in mind and could now execute it. I ended up riding solo for the rest of the day and enjoyed some flowy albeit slippery trails. It was raining hard, the mud was kicking up into my face, and the grit was caking my bike and my body.

Upon my return to the park, I found additional non-riding people that had come out just for the picnic. I also found myself and others bathing their flesh and bikes in the nearby stream since everything was covered in a nice layer of muck. For an added bonus, however, the sun came out and it turned into a great day to enjoy some burgers and merriment following an overall decent ride with the local mountain bike club.

Four or More

Finally, after long last, we had a break from the cold and the weather stayed above sixty for several days in a row. Not knowing how long this show of meteorological goodness would last, I decided to make the most of it and ride bikes. I wasn’t going to be particular and wanted to give my mountain bike and road bike some much needed attention.

It all started with a day off of work on Thursday. Fortunately, it was Cathy’s birthday so I had a good excuse to not go to work. Of course any excuse would have been okay with me. After a filling breakfast Cathy, Brian, Frank, and I went into Cooper’s Gap for some of the sweetest single-track on the east coast. The weather was ideal for riding trails and the conditions were phenomenal.

Friday I was back at the office for the day but made plans to ride some of the neighborhood trails with Jeremy and his dog. These trails are practically in my backyard so getting there takes all of about two minutes but they provide a solid hour of continuous single-track without riding the same trails twice. It’s just one of the many advantages to living in the Heights. We only rode for about any hour but it was a spirited pace that wore me out.

Saturday was more of the same. Jeremy and I took the dog out again for another loop at the short-track which is only about a five minute bike ride from the house. We were almost done with our first loop on the trails when the sky opened up and a cold rain started to fall hard. It was almost painful to ride back home but the rain felt good on the warm afternoon. Fortunately we managed about an hour of riding before calling it a day.

Sunday I decided to switch it up and get on the road bike to spin for a few hours. I tried to find people to ride with me but no one was available. I was okay with that and set out towards Spruce Creek. It was a glorious day with sun and just enough wind to be annoying. I ended up riding for almost three hours and gave my legs a healthy workout.

The interesting thing about the past four days is that I think it’s the first time I’ve ever ridden on four consecutive days. I’d like to keep this trend going and see how many days in a row I can ride because I’ve missed being on a bike, of any kind. There’s something oddly relaxing about turning over pedals and using my own power to go places, even if it is just to get me back home. I don’t know if I have the legs to keep this up, but it’ll sure be nice to try.

Two for the Road

As promised, but with a short delay of several weeks, I finally managed to get away from the SC for a few days. On Friday morning I loaded up my car and made the “shorter than expected but still really long trip” to Atlanta to visit Sean and Lucy. This would be the first time seeing Sean and Lucy in just over a year, but it was also going to be my first foray back to Georgia since I left six years ago. The plan was to spend some quality time hanging out, enjoying the cozy north Georgia sunshine, and riding mountain bikes.

Upon my arrival at Sean and Lucy’s I was greeted with that often talked about Southern hospitality. That is to say neither one of them was home. Since I felt like I had been folded in half from sitting in the car for twelve hours I decided to relax under the magnolia tree in their front yard and wait for someone to show up. After a short wait, Sean rolled up on his motorcycle and he escorted me in for a beer in their courtyard while we got caught up on old times. About an hour later Lucy arrived and we decided to head out for some dinner.

Saturday morning came early but also included coffee and bagels. The plan was to ride mountain bikes on the Chicopee Trails, then head into Athens for some dinner and also to watch the Twilight Criterium. The Twilight Criterium is kind of major bicycle race that’s been held in downtown Athens for about thirty years and is crazy exciting to watch because it’s a short course and is wicked fast. That alone would have been more than enough excitement for one trip. Fortunately, there was more fun to be had.

Sunday morning Lucy and I headed out for breakfast while Sean stayed home to do school work (as he’s working on his MBA). The afternoon involved Sean and I heading to northern Georgia for some more mountain biking at Bull Mountain while Lucy went to work for a few hours. I had done plenty of road rides in north Georgia but never any trails so that was a treat to be had. After several hours of suffering on the red clay we made our way back to the house for some burgers and beers.

Unfortunately I had to get up crazy early today and drive back to the SC. Now, I’m extremely tired and a day late on my blog. I guess the bright side is that while I was in Atlanta Sean and Lucy not only got to spend time with me but they each got new boots. Of course, Lucy didn’t get to keep hers, but in this case that's a good thing.

Grand Endeavors

This Saturday, after a cold morning, the sun finally came out and warmed the air just enough for me to stop everything that I was doing, get kitted up, and throw a leg over my bike for a little spin through the country. I was feeling spry and decided I would take advantage of the conditions with an out-and-back to Millheim. It was a little ambitious considering I haven’t ridden much this year but it’s a flat route so I wasn’t too worried.

Things started off great. I was feeling like a rock star and turning over the pedals like it was my job. The sun was on my face and I soaked in all the vitamin D I could. I assumed there was a bit of a tailwind helping me out (because there usually is) but I wasn’t going to discount my own abilities. That, I would later realize, may have been a bit presumptuous on my part.

Like all good cat 5 racers I ended up going out too hard with the wind aiding my escape. This allowed me to make good time on the way out but left me with a soul-crushing slumfest on the way back in. I felt like I was pedaling squares on the entire ride home. It wasn’t my best effort on the bike. At least the scenery was nice and the stop at Elk Creek to refill my bottles didn’t hurt either.

Enough Already

I assume it’s the time of year but I’m starting to hit a breaking point. I’m getting completely fed up with being cold. I realize that’s kind of a sissy thing to say, but it’s true. We’re midway through April I would have expected things to start warming up by now but it’s not happening nearly as fast as I would like. Sure we’ve had a few teaser days of real warmth but nothing that says, “Put on the sandals and sit outside all night long.” This lack of warmth bothers me for several reasons but mostly it’s about the bike.

Since the beginning of March I’ve been in that mid-seasonal funk where the slopes are closed, yet it’s not warm enough for a gilded-lily like me to regularly be on my bike. I’ve taken advantage of the few warm days but that’s just enough to make me mad and also realize that I need to ride more. Between the ridiculous amounts of rain and the less than warm temperatures, I haven’t been able to get out much and it’s driving me crazy.

I guess if I was tough I’d be out riding regardless of the conditions. Then maybe I’d end up like Jared taking first at the Steel City Showdown today or like Vicki crushing every event she enters. I, of course, am woefully less disciplined and don’t like riding when my water bottles freeze. If my pleas for warm weather to ride aren’t enough, I would at least like to see the grass I planted back in March start to grow.

Best Laid Plans

All week long I was looking forward to this weekend. The weather was finally supposed to be warm and I was going to get reacquainted with my bikes including my first mountain bike ride of the year. That, of course, was not the case.

Since my mountain bike has been on hiatus all winter I knew it was going to need a little work to get it back on the trails. I spent part of Friday trying to get things dialed in but realized that I needed a new rotor on the rear wheel. I had some obligations downtown on Saturday so I decided I would visit my local bike shop to procure the necessary equipment. I figured I would spend Sunday morning getting the bike put together and ride in the afternoon.

When Sunday morning rolled around, things didn’t go as I imagined. First, I spent way more time than I wanted getting my bike taken care of. By the time I finished I didn’t feel very motivated to ride so I thought I’d hit some golf balls instead to get my game figured out for the season. When I arrived at the driving range I noticed it was completely torn up and was being redone so that was a complete waste of a trip. With two big fat strikes I thought I’d take advantage of the light breezes and go to the park with my kite. That was reasonably successful until the wind stopped blowing.

With all of these failures behind me I decided this was some kind of a sign and so I did the next best thing and watched golf. It was much more exciting than it sounds and was a riveting final day with lots of ups and downs. That was followed by a nice meal with the neighborhood folks. I guess things ended much better then they began.

Mysteries from the Deep

As with many weekends in early spring, I found myself in a standard dilemma. The weather was relatively decent and I contemplated going for a bike ride, but I wasn’t feeling very spry. Instead, I decided I would attempt to finish a house project I started over a year ago. It wasn’t a monumental task but definitely required some time and involved a lot of dust.

So my house has a full basement. It’s all relatively finished space but some is definitely more livable than others. It’s split into three separate rooms and every room has the same stupid Homasote panels firmly nailed or screwed to the ceiling. As far as I can tell they serve no purpose and hinder any kind of access to the wiring, plumbing, and other home infrastructure. I’m quite certain they were installed when the house was built so there is a solid fifty plus years of dust and cobwebs safely stashed away behind the panels. I’ve slowly been taking these panels down as necessary to gain access to the space above and decided it was time to remove the last of them.

One thing I’ve learned with these home projects is that often times you’ll get more than you’ve bargained for and could wind up with more work to do. Fortunately I didn’t come across anything like that, but I did find a few oddities that still have me baffled. For example, behind one section of ceiling, there was an extension cord. That’s right, an extension cord. The male end was visible, but the cord went into a hole that should be in my living room, however there is no evidence of a cord on the upstairs. I thought it was best to leave this alone and most certainly not plug it in.

Another delightful find involved a coil of Romex that was probably about twenty feet long. It appeared to have been disconnected from something because one end was nicely wrapped in electrical tape. As I followed the other end of this wire across the basement, I found it went through a different hole into the living room. I’m not at all sure what’s on the other end of this wire but I should probably figure that one out. With any luck, it will unlock a magical land of rainbows and unicorns. Either way though, it seems like there’s a lot more going on in my living room then I am aware of.

Growth & Learning

Even though the temperatures outside might not reflect it, we are now officially into the spring growing season. With that in mind, I decided this would be a good weekend to plant some new grass along the side of my house where I had done some landscaping last year. This would be a perennial grass (instead of the annual rye I planted last year) and it would be a permanent solution. With any luck it will become a nice lush carpet where I can enjoy walking barefoot.

Since this was a landscaping project I brought in my trusted landscape experts (who happen to be my brothers) to assist with the heavy lifting and provide consultation on how to actually get everything to grow. I talked with my brother Tim in advance to prepare for the work and he agreed to purchase the grass seed and other necessary dressings for the impending yard. I rented a massive tiller to help make the work easier. Tim and Jay arrived on Saturday morning and we wasted little time getting to work (after eating lunch of course).

Without getting into the gruesome details, I learned two specific things this weekend. First of all, we probably took on more yard then we realistically had time for. It ended up being about 4,000 square feet and while we did finish (barely in daylight), it took a lot more time then expected. While it might not look like it, one of the pictures is before and the other is, in fact, after.

We ended up using about 35 pounds of grass seed; 15 pounds of fertilizer; two tanks of gas on the tiller; two bales of salt hay; four yards of top soil; and about 25 different rakes, shovels, and implements of destruction. I now have a relatively leveled side yard that should produce a really nice lawn that I’ll get to mow. The second thing I learned is that the next time my brothers come to town; I need to stock up on various paper products and juices.

Guns, Drugs, and Recycling

So I was out this weekend with some people having a few pops when, for some reason unknown to me, my friend Matt and I found ourselves in an interesting conversation. After a short time, we determined that the difference between hippies and rednecks comes down to three things: guns, drugs, and recycling. I’m not entirely sure what brought about this discussion but it’s a simple equation and it goes a little something like this.

First, I should point out that while Matt hugs his fair share of trees he is by no means a hippie and definitely doesn’t drive a gas guzzling pick-up. Similarly, I enjoy drinking PBR but can’t stand the smell of patchouli. It’s also important to note that I’m going to generalize our findings because I clearly haven’t had the time to perform any scientific research to quantify or support these results. After all, I’m no academian. So here’s really all you need to know.

Hippies, for the most part, don’t care for guns. They are pacifists and violence of any kind just doesn’t sit well. Besides, with all the Birkenstocks and peasant skirts they aren’t really suited for anything but sitting around in fields of daises playing guitars and smoking hookahs. Rednecks, on the other hand, are crazy about their guns and can’t get enough of them. They also don’t miss many opportunities to hone their shooting skills. This is evidenced by the various road signs peppered with buckshot or the obligatory beer cans riddled with holes.

Next we’ll look at the drugs. This is a little tricky because hippies and rednecks seem to both have an affinity for drugs. The main difference here is the type of drug. Hippies prefer theirs grown by Mother Nature (or someone with better hydroponics) and rednecks like theirs concocted with enough chemicals to fill a bathtub (and that’s usually where it’s mixed). Also, the drugs hippies like tend to make you sleepy (from what I’ve heard) while the redneck’s drugs keep you up for days on end.

The last difference between hippies and rednecks comes down to recycling. Hippies are big fans of reusing or repurposing items so that nothing is wasted and only like to use products that can breakdown and return to the earth. They’ll compost and separate glass from plastic and grow their own food free of chemicals (but loaded with bugs). They’ll spend piles of money to have the earth friendly bio-diesel car while walking around in hand-made pants. Rednecks just throw stuff out the window of their truck or let trash “accidently” fall out the back of their pick-up truck and wait for the hippies to clean it up for them.

Youthful Beat-down

So this weekend I decided I would take care of some of the more adult responsibilities in my life. Like most independent adult males, I returned home to my mom and dad’s house so I could have my father help me with my taxes. Normally I would be able to do them on my own with a pen and paper but now I have write-offs and deductions and other adult type things that the EZ form doesn’t account for. As a kicker, my parents were watching my sister’s kids (my niece and nephews) so I got a chance to experience, once again, what it’s like to be a care free child that gets help whenever you give a yell.

As an aside, when I returned to my “real life” back in the SC, I had an interesting conversation with my friend Nikki about a story she wrote when she was eleven. The inspiration of her yarn was to predict what her adult life would be like. While her account involved some common themes, it also included some very prestigious accomplishments. The point though, was that between seeing my niece and nephews, coupled with the reading of Nikki’s tale, made me start to imagine what my younger self would think about me and what I’ve accomplished (or how I completely failed).

The sad truth is that I’m not sure how my adolescent persona would feel about the way I’ve turned out, but I think overall he’d be happy. I still ride bikes in the dirt; I have front-row season tickets at the ballpark; I don’t need my parents to give me rides to the movies; I don’t have icky girls in my house that may or may not have cooties (SIDE NOTE: adult Eric isn’t crazy about this one); and I can eat as much ice cream as I want, whenever I want. Sure, I’m not the world renowned architect I thought I should be, but I’ve got a pretty good gig going for me. Even if eleven-year-old Eric may have had loftier goals for me, he probably wouldn’t complain about how things turned out.