Consider it Done

Well, this post officially marks the end of the “post every day for a week” week. It was easier than I thought, however some of the material I ended up using wasn’t the most riveting stuff in the world (but then again, neither is this). Either way, I’m happy and I hope I was able to adequately waste some of your time, Cathy.

Today is Halloween. According to the rules, I’ll be at home later tonight waiting for people dressed in costumes to show up at my house looking for stuff (in this case it’s candy). When you think about this, it seems like an odd way to get things from your neighbors. Imagine if this was practiced all year long. What if people had to dress in costume to get stuff from those living nearby? “Honey, can you go next door and ask the Taylor’s for an egg? I need one more for this cake I’m baking. Oh and there’s a gorilla suit in the closet you can wear.” That’s just silly.

When I was a kid, there was a house in my neighborhood where a magician lived. I learned early on not to go to his house looking for candy. The first time my friends and I went to his house it was like any other on the block. We walked up to the door, rang the bell, and waited for him to answer. When he did, we gave the obligatory “Trick or Treat!” He proceeded to pull rabbit out of a hat and close the door. I was not amused. Later that night, we treated his front stoop to feast of smashed pumpkins.

The moral to this story: Irony is lost on kids looking for a sugar fix.

Happy Halloween!

It's Called a What?

You may not know this, but when animals get together, they transform. Physically they are still the same, however the way they are referred to changes. For example, when a group of rowdy people get together they can become a mob. If they are at a soccer game (football to my non-American readers) and are rowdy they become hooligans. Well, animals take on a similar transition. I was quite amazed to find this occurs for numerous groups of animals.

Now granted, some animal group names are common like a herd or a school or a flock. Some however are kind of interesting and almost provide a degree of foreshadowing to what might happen when these animals get together. This includes an ambush of tigers, a pandemonium of parrots, and even a cackle of hyenas. In reality however, I imagine a single tiger would be just as good at an ambush as a group.

Finally, there are some group names that I think are just downright cool. This includes an obstinancy of buffalo, a bloat of hippos, and a prickle of porcupines. My favorite one however, may have to be a parliament of owls. Sorry George Clinton, but these guys bring some serious eff-you-en-kay.

For a list of other animal group names and additional learning, check out this site.

She's Out There Somewhere, Right?

Recently I was talking with a friend of mine who has been married for a few years now. He and his wife are a fantastically amazing couple that I really enjoy spending time with (even though I haven’t seen them in well over a year). An interesting fact about this couple is they met through a personal ad placed in their local shopping rag in Burlington, Vermont. This was done at a time when dating sites on the interweb didn’t really exist. I’ve often thought about what kind of personal ad I would write for myself if I ever went that route. It would probably go something like this:

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Single guy looking for a betty with an adventurous side. Must be interested in slaying the pow and riding through rock gardens. Lying on the beach is a serious plus (I didn’t say walking on it, I said lying on it, as in not moving because I’ve had too many margaritas. The name Margarita is also a plus). Must enjoy bad jokes and be able to contribute in said regard. Ability to tune snowboards, bikes, and guitars is highly desirable. Ability to be creative in the kitchen is also highly desirable, but doesn’t necessarily require food preparation (but truthfully it really does). Must not wear too much make-up as clowns scare the hell out of me (professional clowns or circus folk in general need not apply. Actually, if the majority of your day is spent under a tent with a capacity of more than four and is moved to a different city every few days by a crew and a flatbed truck, you’re also out. Acrobats may be considered in certain circumstances). Must be old enough to have used an encyclopedia but not so old that you could have contributed to an encyclopedia (heiresses to the Britannica fortune are okay).
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I think that covers the basics. After all, a little mystery is a good thing, isn’t it? While my requirements might seem a bit absurd, I don’t think I’m asking too much. On the other hand, I am still single and one day I might find myself placing such an ad. Maybe I should be a little more flexible. Besides, how many women are really named Margarita?

An Encore from the Little River Band

As November approaches in the SC a grand phenomenon is beginning to unfold. As evidenced in previous posts the fall here has been spectacular so far. Now, however, we begin to transition into what I like to call the true fall-drums (read: weather that is too shitty to do anything remotely fun outside). Today, for example is cold, rainy, and windy. The sky is a soft purply-grey and has a dense cloud cover so there isn’t a single glint of sunshine anywhere. We haven’t had many days like this yet, but I know there will be more. It’s just an inevitability of Central Pennsylvania.

In order to keep me sane during these grey days, I spend most of my time reminiscing about the year that has gone by. A lot has already happened this year and I’m confident there is more to come. It’s been a wild ride so far and included everything from destroying my shoulder when I took a digger on my snowboard to watching a game in Yankee Stadium to having probably the best bar-b-cue sandwich of my life. Sometimes, I have to really think about what went on over the course of this year as it’s been going by so fast. I often feel like I’m forgetting some of the most important parts because it’s hard to remember what actually occurred in this calendar year.

Fortunately, I have pictures to help remind me of what happened. Here are just a few from the past seasons of this year. While these are not the best pictures in the world, the memories I have from the situations surrounding the photos are what’s important. That’s what will keep me going through these pseudo winter days until I can scrape the summer wax off my snowboard, stomp the high gnar, and be outside for another season.

The Work of Kings

I’ve been sleepy lately. I don’t think it’s from a lack of sleep but more because I really enjoy sleeping. I’ve always tried to play to my strengths and lately I think sleeping is where it’s at for me. I often wonder if there is a job market for people to sleep. After all, I’m asleep for almost as many hours a day as I’m at work (not necessarily working though) so why not get paid for it? Maybe I could work at a mattress factory as a professional sleeper. Of course, people don’t just sleep on beds so that might lead to “other duties as assigned” which might not be good.

For the sake of argument, let’s assume there is a market for professional sleepers. I wonder how you would interview for a job like that. Would you be better off if you showed up in pajamas instead of a suit? What if you sat through an entire interview answering questions and showing a true command of the science of sleeping and why you’re the most qualified person for the job but then were denied the job because you were awake the whole time?

Now let’s assume you did get a job as a professional sleeper. Would there be anxiety about job performance thus keeping you awake? How would a yearly evaluation go?

“Well Bill, we’re only giving you a rating of satisfactory this year because you were awake at work too often.” “Take Jones for example, he’s been asleep for three days straight. That’s true dedication to the job.” “You’ll need to try harder to stay asleep while here at the office Bill or we may need to find someone else.”

Maybe it’s not as easy a job as I think it is.

A Snoozefest in the Making

Writing a blog can be difficult. In fact, this particular post is being written because I don’t have any other ideas and the picture I’ve included has nothing to do with anything I’m writing. I’m just including it to take up space and give you something to look at because there is clearly nothing here worth reading. Sure I could tell you what I did this weekend or come up with some other insight into my life, but that seems to be a little too common. I like to think I’m a relatively clever individual but right now, I have nothing. For anyone who is actually reading this post, I apologize in advance for the time you’re going to waste if you choose to continue reading.

An interesting twist to my lack of creativity right now is that this weekend I told some friends I would post to my blog everyday this coming week. If I’m having this much difficulty determining what to post now, imagine how my lack of creativity is going to be compounded by me going to work all week and probably not doing anything remotely interesting. I envision my posts next week looking something like this:

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Monday – Today I spent most of the day in meetings and calling people to find out information regarding a letter I received last week. I had a meeting tonight as well to add to the fun of a Monday.

Tuesday – Today I worked on some on-going projects and prepared some information for a meeting next week. I would like to get out and do something active today to keep me sane but I have too much work to do so I’ll be in the office, probably working late.

Wednesday – Guess what, another day flying my desk. Today is more of the same as yesterday, only it’s another day closer to the weekend. I’ll probably have to work late again tonight to finish preparing for my meeting.

Thursday – Why isn’t the weekend here yet? I have to go to the store and buy candy after work because tomorrow is Halloween.

Friday – Yahoo, finally the weekend is here. I’m going to spend most of the day neglecting the work piling up on my desk to figure out what to do this weekend. Oh yeah, kids will be at my house tonight demanding candy. Maybe I’ll just turn off the lights and hope no one shows up.

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That must have been painful. You’ve gotten the whole way to the end and I’ve offered nothing, but I warned you of that earlier so you can only blame yourself. Hopefully as the week progresses I’ll have something more interesting to write about, but I guess you’ll have to check back to find out.

What Do You Do With 110,016 Of Your Closest Friends?

So it was another picture perfect fall weekend in the SC and I do in fact have the pictures to prove it. The weekend agenda had nothing special in store. Yes, there was mountain biking. And yes, the conditions were nothing short of ideal, but I’ve been singing that tune for the last couple of weeks so I’ll give you a break from talk about the sweet sweet singletrack. This weekend (like 6 others this time of year) included a good old fashion tailgate and football game. An added bonus for this go-around involved all the excess that comes along with homecoming including lots of extra people in town to participate in the outdoor circus that is a Penn State tailgate.

Not only is the crisp fall weather we’ve been experiencing incredible for mountain biking, it’s tends to work well for grilling, drinking beer, playing games constructed from plumbing supplies, eating too much food, slurping gelatin desserts made with booze, and oh yeah, football. Where else but a tailgate will perfectly reasonable people spend all day and night outside in the elements eating all their meals and getting their fill of entertainment? Imagine organizing all the gear and food you would need to go camping for a weekend, going to a really crowded campground and setting it all up, consuming everything you brought in about ten hours, then deciding to go home instead. If you’re fortunate enough to have tickets to a game in Happy Valley, you get to participate in one of the truly great shows in college football.

Beaver Stadium is big. Actually, it’s enormous. I don’t mean “cheeseburger as big as your head” enormous, I’m talking planetary scales. Upon entering the second largest stadium in the country you can’t help but get swept up in the emotion and energy that radiates through the stands. It’s a feeling that can’t really be put into words. Sure, people go to the games all the time and after a while it probably becomes a bit pedestrian. For me, however, being part of the crowd in an environment like that is electric. Everyone is there for the same reason as you and the 110,000 plus fans you’re with become one united force that has a common goal. You’re not just watching a football game; you’re part of an experience that is the culmination of the day. It is truly an awesome sight (and sound) to behold.

The game itself was full of excitement, but in the end Penn State won handily, and I was fortunate enough to be there with my friends to watch it all.

Beating the Fall-drums; Part II

This past weekend my brother Jason came into town for a visit. Since this was his first visit to State College I decided to give him the standard tour with a few add-ons. Jay is a little more low-key than I am so I figured a nice hike would be a good way to start things off. The weather was absolutely spectacular and the fall colors are becoming a cornucopia of reds, yellows, and oranges. I decided to hike Shingletown as it gets more attention from hikers than mountain bikers and seemed like the safe choice.

Things started off agreeable enough, but the trail we were following to get up on the ridge disappeared amidst some logging activity so we had to bushwhack our way through the forest to reach the top. It took a little more work than anticipated, but when we reached the top the views were like staring at a postcard. The valley was practically glowing from the seasonal colors and you could see for miles under a sky that was so impeccably blue it almost seemed fake.

After getting our fill of nature we decided it would be wise to refuel and rehydrate so it was off to the sleepy town of Millheim to patronize their local brewery. The Elk Creek Café is a quality establishment that is worth the drive if you’re into incredible food and spectacular hand crafted beers. It will not disappoint. After getting our fill of the local food and drink we decided to return to the house and relax for the evening.

The next day I continued to show Jay around town including a few stops along the way for true culinary staples such as ice cream. After all, there are two creameries here so why not, right? Once I had supplied my brother with enough frozen dairy treats to make a kid a fat camp jealous, I bid him farewell. Since it was still relatively early in the day, I geared up for some mountain bike action with a few friends.

Six of us went out for a mild ride along the Tussey Mountain Ridge. It was probably one of the best rides I’ve been on in a long time. I didn’t set the world on fire with my riding skills, but between the weather, the views, the trail conditions, and the company, I didn’t care if I couldn’t clear a single rock garden (which wasn’t too far from the truth). What really mattered was that I was out having fun and enjoying one of the great reasons to live in Central Pennsylvania during the fall. It’s going to be hard to top this past weekend, but I’m definitely going to try.

Free at Last.

I'll admit, I'm new to this whole blog game. Including this post, I have a total of four on my site. Recently, I logged into my blog and was greeted by a message telling me that I potentially had a "term of service" violation.

This seemed a bit odd yet not completely out of the question as I never really read the terms of service, but I'm guessing I'm not the only person guilty of that. In order to regain complete access to my blog again, I was required to prove that I was a real person by deciphering an encryption that was so difficult to read I was starting to question my own existence. If done properly someone on the other end of the interweb would look at my site to make sure it was up to snuff and not (as I would later learn) a possible "spam blog."

While I have nothing against that unique meat substance that comes in a can, I am not dedicating this blog to all things processed meat. I realize that 50% of my posts to date have a food reference, but I'm almost positive that's just a coincidence.

Luckily, it was determined that I was just spewing worthless drabble and once again I'm allowed to continue doing just that (as evidenced by this post). Thanks to the good people at Google for allowing me unabated access to publish my inane ramblings once again.

Beating the Fall-drums; Part I

Today I decided to return home early from a visit with the family in order to take advantage of the sunshine and blue skies that are becoming more rare this time of year in the SC. The plan was to hit the trails for some fall mountain biking. My friend Brian and I decided to head north to Black Moshannon State Park. This was my first time riding in Black Mo. One of the "harsh" realities of living in State College is the fact that there are miles and miles and miles of epic mountain bike riding within about 30 minutes. There is some truly amazing singletrack and it's basically in my back yard. Deciding which trails to ride is usually the hardest part. Rothrock State Forest is generally the ride du jour while Black Mo typically gets the nod in winter to hike for turns on the defunct ski slope. This was a slight departure from the norm but I would soon realize it was a wise choice.

The bike takes in some sunshine

Brian making it look easy

I don’t know if it was the weather or the fact that I’ve been off the bike for a few weeks but it was an incredible ride. There wasn’t anything too technical about the terrain but there were plenty of rock gardens, stream crossings, gnarly switchbacks, and enough downed trees to make a grizzled lumberjack dance like a ballerina in a music box. Add in the fall colors and it turned into a fantastic afternoon all around. When I go on rides like the one I did today, I'm reminded of just how much fun fall mountain biking can be. I'm just glad there's still plenty of fall left.

Marizpan Puppies

How do you know when you've taken a joke too far? Well, some good friends recently got married and, as a joke, I told them I was going to have the famous painting "Dogs at Poker" recreated in marzipan for them as my wedding gift. It was hilarious at the time and thinking about it still makes me laugh.

What's not funny however, is the fact that now, in order to continue with this grand joke, I need to make good and produce "Dogs at Poker" in a sweet confection typically draped over wedding cakes, not used in wedding presents. Of course I could just not follow through and things would be okay. After all, the happy couple lives in Seattle so I don't see them very often. Somehow though, that just doesn't seem right. If you're going to go through the trouble of starting a joke like this it's also important to finish it. I've never worked in the medium of marzipan, but something tells me this isn't going to end well.