Sleepy Time

With the chaos that is the holiday season looming close (as we sit on the eve of Christmas) I decided to make a trip to visit my parents.  As with most holidays, all of my siblings and their families would also be joining us.  This means that no less than 18 people may or may not be staying in a house that was originally built to provide shelter for about five.  This means several things, with the most important (in my opinion) being identifying suitable sleeping arrangements for everyone.  

While this may seem like an easy proposition, it's more difficult than you might imagine.  For the most part, the shorties will sleep anywhere; in a tree, under a table, in a chair, you name it, they will sleep.  I, on the other hand, prefer a bit more in my sleeping need.  No I don't require a big fluffy bed, but one thing that is critical for me is have the space cool or even cold.  I cannot sleep in the heat, and with 18 people (as noted earlier) in the same house with the food being cooked constantly, that tends to raise the overall temperature of the home quite significantly.  

With this in mind, I began to search my parents' house for the most suitable location for me to get in a solid night of sack time.  For reference, the house is a one story ranch with a basement.  This means that the main floor is obviously out (because it reaches temperatures upwards of 75 degrees).  The kids typically play in the basement so the heaters are cranked to make sure it's warm enough.  I was running out of options.

As I walked onto the porch to grab another beer and ponder my options, it hit me.  I was going to sleep on the porch.  After a little searching for adequate sleeping materials I managed to put together a fairly decent bed.  It wasn't the best, but an old military sleeping bag, a few seat cushions, and a pillow provided me with one of the best nights of sleep I've had at my parents house in a long time.

Take it to the Bank

So Sunday is early this week.  I know that's not actually possible if you're one the few Julian, Lunar, or Hebrew (you're welcome Jerry)  calendaric scholars out there, but it's true.  Of course it's only true if you're one of the more ardent believers in the governmental calendar that gives just about all of us banking types the day off on Monday for Labor Day; therefore tomorrow is my Sunday.  By default, today has been deemed Saturday.  That's right, I get an extra day of being super (and quite possibly the duper; if the mood strikes) awesome.  

Tune in tomorrow for a blog post that will rock your world.  Or maybe one that disappoints.  I guess you'll have to check to see which one it is...

Crushing Souls

For the avid readers of this blog, you may have heard me talk about my friend Brian.  While Brian and I don't hang out that much anymore now that he is new father, we still manage to get out for a ride every now and again.  This weekend was one of those times.  Since it was going to be extra warm and humid with chances for rain, we figured it would be a good time for a big ride. 

As per usual, Brian identified a nice long ride that had a few brutal climbs and plenty of rollers.  Also, to keep things interesting, our route would include very few places to stop for food or water so we had to take extra sustenance with us.  This is the typical kind of ride plan that we end up with so I shouldn't be surprised by it, but for some reason I still am.

So the long and short of our day was this: we left just before noon so we could enjoy the heat of the day.  We climbed over several mountains and rolled through several valleys.  We somehow managed to dance around what must have been a severe thunderstorm and only had periods of drizzle with wet roads.  We logged 112 miles, 6000 feet of climbing, several cases of water over the road, and spent about seven and a half hours in the saddle.  

It was a long and grueling day to say the least.  I spent an hour and a half cleaning all the grit off of my bike but after it was all said and done, I have to admit that it was worth it.  Of course, I haven't been able to feel my legs for two days so maybe that has something to do with it too.

Happy Memorial Day!

Statements of the Day

Today was cold.

It barely got out of the 20’s.

Fortunately the sun was out so that helped.

I rode Scotia with Jeremy, the Nixtreeme, and Seb-dog.

My toes were cold until the end of the ride.

I cleared a big log; with an audience, and it felt amazing.

Winter without snow might not be that bad after all.

Tomorrow I get to sleep in…

Hang on Tight

If Saturday night marked an end then Sunday morning had to bring along a beginning. We’ve officially turned over a new calendar year and my 2012 has already been highly eventful. To close out 2011 and officially start two aught one two, I managed to drive 1,600 miles in three days, attend a funeral, and experience what it’s like to be in one of the shows about driving in a blizzard. You know the ones where a string of cars are driving real slow with their hazards on and some jag-off rips past them all going way too fast only to end up in a ditch? Yeah, that kind except in this case I was NOT the idiot driver but there were plenty of them in ditches. I’m not sure if this is a sign of things to come but if it is, 2012 is going to be one hell of a ride.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Ho Cubed

So according to the calendar on the wall, today is Christmas. That’s right, the day when all us good Christians gather for a day filled with prayer and reflection on the year and to celebrate a birthday. For me, that loosely translates to eating and drinking entirely too much over a multi-day period spent with family and friends.

Several years ago my family (read: me) decided that exchanging gifts was more trouble than it’s worth. There are too many people in the family now so the gift exchange portion of the day would just take way too long and trying to coordinate everyone’s schedule is just too daunting. Personally, I prefer it this way because let’s be honest, I have just about everything I need and if I don’t I’ll most likely buy it for myself when I realize that I might actually need it.

As I wait for the rest of the family to arrive at my parents’ house I’ll soak in the remaining bits of quiet while I can. Soon a whirlwind of chaos and mayhem will ensue and the children will turn the living room into a snowstorm of wrapping paper with little effort. It will be good to see everyone and catch up on the past year and who knows, maybe this time when a jolly man dressed as Santa appears at the door unexpectedly, someone in the house will actually know who it is.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

DD Part Two

So as many of you know this past Thursday was Thanksgiving for we folks in the U.S. and, like any good person, I decided to travel. For the second year in a row I headed to Pittsburgh to spend the big day and subsequent weekend with the freshly minted Mr. and Mrs. Babik. The highlight of the trip, however, was going to be my second dance with the Dirty Dozen; riding bikes up thirteen of the steepest hills in the city. I wasn’t sure how the ride would go since I haven’t been training but the weather was going to be ideal and I figured I could struggle through it. After all, I would be starting with a belly full of Turkey.

A lot happened over the weekend so instead of going into specific detail I figure it will be easier to just make a list so here goes:

• Jared and Caroline host an amazing Thanksgiving feast
• Jared has more beer left over from his wedding than any one person should
• Pittsburgh has some fun mountain bike trails right in the city
• Steve K. is awful at NHL 95 but for some reason is really good at the Sweet Valley High board game
• There's free parking closer to the Pen’s games than most people realize, but watch out for the nacho cheese
• Caroline makes an amazing breakfast and is great at motivating cyclists so they don’t quit
• Steevo can ride the wheels off a bike; any bike
• Jared can get true hill points when he tries
• Riding roads and trails for four days straight takes a lot out of you
• Driving the turnpike the Sunday after Thanksgiving is a bad idea

As you can see it was a full couple of days and that is just a partial list. I survived another Dirty Dozen and completed all the hills. I felt better than I thought and rode stronger than I expected. Steevo won his 8th straight DD and a record crowd of over 300 cyclists showed up to start the 29th installment of this little tour of Pittsburgh (but the amount of finishers is unknown). Of course the show on WQED and the 60 degree weather probably helped but who’s counting? I’ve already decided that I’ll be back to do it again next year because the whole trip was a lot more fun than I expected but more importantly, I’ll get a dot next to my name for (hopefully) finishing my third DD.

Doors Galore

Now that the weather is getting colder and the days are getting shorter, I figured I was done working on outdoor projects with my house. I had a few small projects left on the list that I was going to do like cleaning my chimney so I can get the wood stove stoked up, but nothing too terribly involved. I did, however, decide that I wanted to put in a storm door on the house to help cut back the draft around the font door.

As I’m finding with most projects related to my house, the storm door install turned into more than I bargained for. I purchased the door on Saturday but decided that since it was snowing I’d wait until Sunday to get the door in place. After I realized that I would need to remove some flashing and spacer strips to get at the actual jambs I knew it was going to be a long day. Then, after two trips to the home store and two hours spent trying to remove said flashing and spacer strips, I decided it was time to get out the headlamp because I wasn’t going to have enough daylight to finish this project.

After an additional trip to the home store and countless expletives spoken aloud and to myself, I finally managed to get the door hung and the handle installed. I didn’t actually finish the install nor did I get anything else accomplished. My living room ended up looking like a tool-bomb went off and my garage is just as bad. Hopefully I’ll find some time this week to get everything finished so I can enjoy the piles of candy I plan to get from trick-or-treating. Happy Halloween!

Little Elf

Another year has almost come to a close and Christmas is upon us once again. For a lot of people, the holidays are a time when there are traditions that they like to follow. I, interestingly enough, am one of those people. While I haven’t been carrying this tradition for very long, it’s one that I make sure not to miss. This time of the season I enjoy listening to an excerpt of a reading from a collection of holiday stories that is played on the radio.

Each year, that ultra liberal hippie radio station NPR plays a reading of David Sedaris’ Santaland Diaries. I have read the actual short story but nothing is quite like having the author himself retell the tale of his former employment as a department store elf during the Christmas season. The emphasis and inflection is where it should be and really makes the story come alive.

As I’ve gotten older, the traditions I grew up with have started to fade away. This isn’t anyone’s fault and I’m not complaining, it’s just that times have changed, schedules have gotten busier, and my nieces and nephews are now the center of attention for the holidays, which is where it should be. I think it’s time for me to start establishing my own traditions, and so far the adventures of Crumpet are definitely a funny way to kick off the season.

More than Enough

So as promised, this is my follow-up to last week’s post regarding that beloved little bike ride in Pittsburgh known as the Dirty Dozen. As I mentioned before, this is an event that occurs on the Saturday after Thanksgiving and takes riders up thirteen of the steepest hills Pittsburgh has to offer. Here’s how things went.

I guess I had a preconceived notion of what steep hills were. After all, I’ve been riding a bike for a little while and I’ve been on some intensely mountainous rides. However, nothing I have ever done before was able to prepare me for the hellish inclines that I encountered on Saturday. I think it’s fair to say that I was woefully unprepared for these hills.

Unless you’ve actually seen the hills that are on the DD course, you don’t physically have the ability to imagine how steep they actually are. Add to that the fact that you’ve got almost 200 people trying to ride up these vertical streets that are no wider than about a car length and you have all the makings for a cocktail of pain and anguish.

The bottom line is I survived, barely. I made it up every hill on my first try and didn’t go down once. My heart almost exploded out of my chest on more than one occasion, and on the final hill I was going so slow that I think it was just one long track stand. My arms hurt worse than my legs from pulling on the bars and walking hasn’t been that easy. I should also say that Jared almost won Canton Avenue, but lost to Steevo (who won the DD, again) by about a half a wheel length and Colin took fifth overall for the day. This could be one event that I don’t ever want to do again, but it surely was a lot of sadistic fun.

A Cornucopia of Pain

In less than a week, we folks in the good ‘ole You Es of Ay will be celebrating that wonderful holiday where everyone gorges themselves on too much food and then either sleeps, watches football, or falls asleep while watching football. That’s right, I’m talking about Thanksgiving. This year, like most, I’ll be playing the role of pilgrim and allowing others to take care of me and make sure I don’t starve. Luckily, I won’t have to wear a hat with a giant buckle on it.

Instead of spending this holiday with my family, I’ll be traveling to Pittsburgh to spend the day with Jared, Caroline, and a cavalcade of other vagabonds that happen to venture into western PA. Oddly enough, Thanksgiving isn’t intended to be the highlight of my trip. That will come in the form of me, a bike, and thirteen of the steepest hills Pittsburgh has to offer. It’s a little bike race/ride known as the Dirty Dozen.

For close to thirty years, cyclists have gathered on the Saturday after Thanksgiving to test their grit by racing and riding the DD. Cyclists race to the top of each hill, but then wait for everyone else before continuing on to the next hill therefore making it both a race and a ride. I think at this point it’s important for me to point out that I will NOT be in the group that is racing. I will be in the group that is merely trying to survive, and in this case I do mean survive. Granted, I’ve said that in the past when talking about rides or races but in this case I truly mean it.

See, the hills in the DD are beyond steep. I don’t think any hill is less than a 20 percent grade with the steepest, Canton Avenue, topping out at 37 percent. Did mention it’s also cobblestone? Well, it is. One of the rules of this little Saturday morning spin is that all hills must be ridden. Therefore if you fall or stop or cough up a lung and put down a foot, you have to go to the bottom and start over. I’m not entirely sure why I agreed to participate in this test of pure insanity but this year I will be thankful if I get back to the SC with my legs still attached.

Halloween Screw Ups

So today is Halloween. For most people, Halloween means getting dressed up as some kind of alter ego and, depending on your age, walking door-to-door in an attempt to fill a sack with candy, have an excuse to throw a party, or go out and about spreading mischief. For me, this year Halloween took on a whole new spin.

Each year, the powers that be in the SC get together to decide when to have the actual trick-or-treat night. Since October 31st falls on a Sunday this year, it was decided to have trick-or-treat night on Thursday. Why Thursday you ask? Well, Saturday night was the Penn State and Michigan football game and I guess people thought it would be a bad idea to send small children out for candy on one of the busiest weekends of the year.

There aren’t many kids that live in my neighborhood and I had been told that no one shows up looking for candy so I didn’t think much of the actual trick-or-treat night. What happened next will have a significant impact on every Halloween that occurs from here on out. As the sun started going down I noticed the streets filling up with kids going door-to-door looking for candy. This wouldn’t normally be a big deal, but there I was, sitting at home with not a single piece of candy in site. Reaching this disastrous conclusion I did what any respectable homeowner would do.

Recalling my childhood training, I began running around the house turning out all the lights. As any good kid knows, you don’t go to a house that is dark because they don’t have candy. Usually this means they are not home, but in my case it meant that I was afraid to have anyone come to the door. There I sat, in a pitch dark house for the allocated two hours of trick-or-treat night. It was highly embarrassing but at least next year I’ll be prepared to hand out candy.

Vacation

So as of yesterday I entered full-on into a fun filled and exciting week at the beach with my family. Now, usually when I go to the coast it’s nothing but beers, bloodies, margaritas, sun, sand, surf, and solitude. When I’m with my family, however, it’s all that except the latter. Based on the official tally there is one house, seventeen people, fourteen cases of beer, one case of wine, two bottles of vodka, and one bottle of tequila. I think that should at least get us through until Wednesday, but I’m not getting my hopes up.

Road Trips

Every now and then it’s good to get out of town and this weekend was no different. With the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday I had Monday off work so Brian and I decided to take advantage of the long weekend and head north. Granted, there wasn’t any snow that we were chasing so this trip was going to be more about getting out of town than slaying deep pow. Just to make things interesting I took Friday off so it was four days of driving, snowboarding, and visits with old friends.

We left Thursday night from the SC bound for Lake Placid. We planned to ski Whiteface on Friday, make our way into the Northern Kingdom of Vermont for some Jay Peak action on Saturday, head to Plainfield to visit with my friends Lisa & Amos in central Vermont Saturday night, and then possibly shred a southern mountain before rolling back to Pennsylvania on Sunday night or Monday morning. It was a solid plan but the forecast wasn’t calling for snow so we weren’t sure what kind of conditions were waiting for us, but like I said, it was more about getting out of town than chasing the white stuff.

At this point I could drone on about each day with full detail and four part harmony but I don’t think that’s necessary. I can sum up most of the trip quite succinctly and save you some time reading. Here’s the long and short of it. We did some sliding around on snow. The conditions weren’t spectacular, but they were adequate. The groomers were bony and scraped off while the trees were thin at best. The peaks were socked in with fog and freezing mist so visibility was near zero and the wind was ripping.

Overall it was not the most ideal trip for skiing or snowboarding. It was typical east coast conditions except we drove ten hours to get it. We did a lot of driving, got very little sleep, and ended the trip a day early so we could get back home. Getting to see my friends was definitely a highlight and made the drive worthwhile but the snow conditions were not anywhere close to bonzer. The funny thing is I’d definitely do it again because sometimes the trip is more fun than the destination.

Tick Tock

Unless you were just born within the last few days you should have noticed a new year started on Friday. In fact, an entire new decade is beginning. It seems like just yesterday we were all worried about computers taking over the world due to that whole Y2K thing (or at least that’s how I remember it). Now, I’d be more than happy to let a computer take over some of the mundane tasks of my day, but I’ll save that for another post.

I’ve already spent the majority of 2010 trying to figure out what to write for the first post of the year. As usual, I want to start this new calendar off with some stoic wisdom or insight. It’s all part of my plan to show that I’m trying to grow as a person over the next 365 days. In fact, that’s basically what I wrote about last year so maybe I should go with a different topic since I think that plan only got me to about day 82.

Of course, a new stream of thought-provoking consciousness is not always easy to concoct for interweb viewing (as I’ve alluded to in the past). While the majority of this post is just filler, I will keep with some degree of the New Year’s resolution thing. I’m not actually going to make any resolutions (at least none that I’m offering here) but I will do my best to keep the (future) posts interesting. There are no guarantees, but at least I’ll get another 52 weeks to give it a try.

Happy New Year everyone and welcome to 2010!

Adult Santa

Contrary to what the title says, I’m not talking about a jolly man stripped out of his red suit having his way with a woman that’s been naughty and one that’s been nice (ho ho ho everybody). Now, if you could bring your mind out of the gutter I’d like to be a little more serious (but not really). This weekend I was having dinner with friends at Alison’s house and the question was asked if her kids still believed in Santa Claus. She said they no longer did but this got me thinking: why isn’t there a Santa Claus type thing for adults to believe in?

I’m not saying that grown-ups should try to convince themselves of something as obnoxious as a fat guy sliding down a chimney with a sack of gifts, but why not have something for adults to get excited about? The way I see it, once you stop believing in Santa Claus everything goes downhill. After Saint Nick is out of the picture it’s no longer milk, cookies, and trees surrounded by gifts. Sugar plums are replaced with shopping malls and lines and wrapping paper and trying to find presents that those on your list might actually like (or at least pretend to like). It takes a lot of work.

This is where a person or thing or abstract idea or amebic vapor would be useful because it would give me (as a non-Santa Claus believer) a reason to get keyed up about this holiday again. Granted, I truly do enjoy getting to see my family, the food is fantastic, and having some time off of work is a nice touch but the rest of this holiday seems to be more stressful than it should be. It would just be nice to know that falling asleep on Christmas Eve would mean that mustard companies would change back to the screw top lids. Now that’s something to believe in.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Giving What You Can

About two and a half years ago I made a decision. It wasn’t a major life-changing endeavor, but more of a case of laziness. For the last thirty months or so I’ve been letting my hair grow (I told you it wasn’t a big deal).

This rejection of hair management techniques took on several different iterations. Originally it started as a way to keep my head warm in the winter. However, once the spring rolled around I decided to keep it for a little while and see what it was like to once again have long hair (I was once a stand in for Gene Wilder).

After a year or so, it started getting a bit obnoxious and people began asking when I was going to get it cut. At this point, I was just starting to enjoy the fluffy coif and began telling people I was growing it out so I could donate it. That answer was somehow a socially acceptable reason to allow myself to resemble a convict. After a while however, I realized I’d need to follow through on this claim. This weekend, in the spirit of giving thanks, I decided to make good on my plan.

At first I wasn’t sure if I was ready to give up my Sampson-esque locks but as my mom (that’s right, my mom cuts my hair) began laying waste to my curls, it became easier to accept. After about two hours the majority of my hair was gone. It was actually kind of nice to have my neck exposed to the freedom of the outside world. I knew it was the right decision when I asked my six year old niece what she thought and she replied, “Now you finally look like a man.” While I appreciate her youthful honesty, I’m looking forward to saving money on shampoo.

Ghosts, Candy, and Beer

This past weekend I decided to get out of town. It was Halloween and, since I’m not a big fan of dressing up, I decided I’d take a trip to my sister’s just outside of DC for a visit with her family (my niece and nephews). Since the shorties are still young enough to enjoy the dressing up and candy, I thought it would be fun to tag along with them while they went to shake down their neighbors for sugary treats.

My sister lives in a toney suburb so everything is lavishly decorated to accentuate this ghoulish occasion. In fact, one entire street has several houses that hire professionals to come in and decorate with smoke machines, haunted houses, and spooky soundtracks. They also seem to have the best candy on said street so once the kids were costumed up we grabbed a handful of beers and headed out. After all, in this area, it’s really more of a block-party than the Halloween I grew up with.

A light rain accompanied the warm temperatures that made the evening all the more enjoyable. The scene was more than I expected. The amount of time and money some of these people put into decorating their houses was astounding. Also, the number of people that were out was even more surprising. It was difficult to walk down the street (and I do mean the actual street) because there were so many people. It was however, a very social environment as the adults were having as much fun as the kids.

By the time it was all over, the two vampires and the witch that we took out with us had bags full of candy and were fighting to stay awake despite the sugar IVs they were given. I was also ready to get back inside to relax with a few less screams and howls. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone door-to-door on Halloween and watching the shorties get caught up in the theatrics was well worth it.

Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em

This was a busy weekend for me. Since it was the Labor Day Holiday (and therefore a three-day weekend) I made the most of it. I did a little of everything including visiting with friends, riding my bike, putting a new water pump in my car, cutting brush out of the yard (that was no small undertaking), and cooking food in a trash can. That’s right, a trash can.

See, I enjoy everything pig. From the bacon, to the tenderloin to the chops, and even the scrapple, pork is pretty much always delicious. I decided to make myself a smoker so I could enjoy one of my favorite types of pork, the barbeque. I found some make-shift instructions on the interweb for making a smoker out of a trash can so I figured I should give it a go. Getting the thing to function properly is a story in itself, but rest assured, about one year and way too much money went into this contraption, but I finally managed to get it working. This weekend marked the maiden voyage of Sir Smokes-a-Lot.

I’ll admit, I was a little skeptical about cooking food in a trash can, but I figured if there was someone on the net-xtravaganza claiming that it worked than who was I to question the legitimacy. I put a slab of meat in the smoker this morning and went about some yard work with frequent checks to monitor the temperature and smoke content. As the day progressed, everything seemed to be working out as planned. After about seven and a half hours I had a properly cooked and smoked hunk of meat that was quite delicious.

Sure I learned a few things along the way and may do some things differently for the next smoking but for the most part it was a success. The one change I’ll certainly make before the next time is switching from a plastic can to a metal one. No matter how much sauce you use it’s hard to cover up that taste.

Stop Me If You've Heard This One...

So a pig and a giraffe are riding along in a canoe when they come upon a giant rabbit. The pig looks at the giraffe and says, “Look, it’s a giant rabbit. How weird is that?” The rabbit looks down at the pig and the giraffe and says, “Screw you.”

I realize it’s not the best joke in the world, but it was a lot funnier when my three year old niece told it to me.

This weekend I went home to visit my parents and spend some time with the family. Since it was Easter, everyone was congregating at my parents for the food, merriment (or chaos), and egg hunting. I hadn’t been home in about three months so it was nice to get back and catch up with everyone and hear the imaginative stories my nieces and nephews concoct (as evidenced above).

Easter is one of those “holidays” that doesn’t really make sense to me. Without waxing too religious, I can’t quite figure out what rabbits, chocolate eggs, and jelly beans have to do with the resurrection of Jesus, but I’m okay it. Sometimes it’s best to not question the reasons and just accept the sugary goodness that has become a staple of the day.

Even though my niece didn’t really say the stuff above, it was still great to visit with the family and see how much the shorties have grown. Some things stayed the same though because the older ones still chase each other around and ignore me while the younger ones are still a little scared of me. Eventually, however, they all took time to give me some love. Of course I was sitting close to the candy.